” I Am Patience” my affirmation all the time.
I catch myself when I have lost it. The more I try… haha try’ the more I lose it.
Sometimes it’s like 0-Bitch in 2 seconds….with a quickness!!! If ever I tested myself with anything, I feel this is it!!
Everyday is a test in our faith, trust,love,gratitude,hope….
and yes Patience!! So many more things we are tested and usually (for me) the ones I feel that I struggle with most are the ones that are chosen for me to be tested!! Yep… The ones I must work on, so of course this BIG one for me is going to get lost and then come back once I catch it.
I ask for help with this, I pray, I catch myself losing it and I still struggle even when I turn it into positive.
I even defended losing my patience with going through menopause(there’s a pill for that mood stuff BTW) and I was home alone. I do talk to myself, this is a form of figuring it out…outloud. We all know this…..right? 😉
What makes me feel the absolute WORST is losing it toward my husband when it isn’t even him that did anything. It is a vibe that I have from something else. Don’t get me wrong, though I did say bitch earlier, I’m really not a screaming maniac! It’s just a few snips here and there. I just feel like one when I am a happy go lucky woman. I need to add my grandchildren to this though I know they can be a test of patience like all children……BUT…… I feel bad in all situations that I loose my Patience!!
Last but not least is what I believe to be a HUGE part of where my patience has gone… “ELECTRONIC TECHNOLOGY ” Phones and Computers!!! The way of the future that has drug us into it’s grasp and has no intentions of letting us go!!! I am connected like more than half the world and I am sure like many of us, the second a page doesn’t load, freezes, battery dies, a dropped call or no Service!! There goes my Patience….”it never fails” … Damn thing!! Computers suck… I’m getting rid of it” oHH and the best one…” I’M GOING TO THROW THIS ACROSS THE ROOM”!!!!!
Ughh… have been there!! I wonder? As much as we need all of this technology. Our future is ultimately going in that direction. Are we being pulled away from it by another source. Something in the universe that may not want our future to turn out so reliant on machines?
There are days as of late that I have felt that way. Day’s that I need to walk away and disconnect myself from the computer all together. If I sit and try to keep going I get irritating vibes and there goes my patience. It seems to come from within like there is energy pulling me away. I’m not saying that a lagging internet or an update doesn’t frazzle me.
I am looking for an answer that I have not yet gotten from within myself or otherwise.
I consider this a journal entry because when we journal it is a form of prayer… So God, Mother Mary, My guides and Angels… I ask for your help with this now ♥ amen